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Bad Chemistry jokes

Here are a few bad chemistry jokes that I have run across.

joke structures

New generic name for Viagra: Mycoxaphalene

How do you make anti-freeze?

Take her nightgown


A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender pulls one for him and the neutron asks "How much?". The bartender says "For you no charge".


Two atoms bump into each other. The one says "Don't move! I think I've lost an electron!". "Are you sure?" asks the other atom. "I'm positive." responds the first.

Who said chemistry is boring?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

Q: Is hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof.

Most of the student wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant answers. One student, however, wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time. So, we need to know how the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I thinking that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell it will not leave. Therefore no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With the birth rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities.


If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all souls break loose.


Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls In Hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Theresa Banyan during my freshmen year that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and this is why I am sure that Hell is exothermic.

This student got the only A